In our country men, women and children are being abused daily. As the Body of Christ we cannot keep quiet any longer. Jesus, the Head of the Church, has mandated us to look after the helpless.

Andra Dickerson Murphy never told her church family about her abusive home life. But week after week the 18 year old mother of two sat in the pew with black eyes and bruises. "No one would ask me about the bruises. So I kept quiet and obeyed my husband, as a good Christian wife is supposed to do."

Today her scars are impossible to ignore. As the hands and feet of God, it is our responsibility to address this issue within our churches and in the society around us. According to Nancy Nason-Clark, a sociology professor who has spent 15 years studying domestic violence within Christian families, "Most pastors who have not been sought out by a domestic abuse victim have never spoken against it from the pulpit or in premarital counselling. They have never made it clear that they are approachable and willing to help in this area."

Why is this? Generally it’s because ministers and church members don’t know how to deal with domestic violence and the victims in their congregation. One has to hope that the apathy is not because they don’t want to help. The problem is, God calls us each into account for our actions and He will, on Judgement day, ask us why we didn’t personally help the helpless and speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. It is our prayer that this article will challenge and motivate you to help these victims with practical information.

I had been beaten up many times. I had broken bones, blue eyes, split lips, grazed flesh, many visits to the hospital, the police station and the lawyer’s office, suicide attempts, treatment for depression, incarceration in clinics and jail, and in the process I had obtained more prescription medication to calm my ravaged nerves than could be construed as ethical – and still I would go back to my abuser "to try and work things out." I had been entrapped in the cycle of domestic violence for nearly three decades. When I realise how close I came to death on several occasions, it is clear to me that denial would have been the actual killer.

 
Rollercoaster Ride

It is my painful experience that very few people (even doctors, lawyers and psychologists) understand the true nature of this beast. The power play, the adrenalin rush, the surge of self-pity - in fact, the constant drama of that kind of life is highly intoxicating. It is like taking a roller coaster ride every single day. Yes, it is addictive. And coming out of this addiction is every bit as challenging as any other. When I compare the photos of myself as a young professional model, with the degrading sight of myself on the photos that show the violence, I must question where the seething rage came from - was it my perpetrators’ rage or my own?

I have three daughters who had to witness my utter powerlessness and shame. In the end this man managed to break my heart completely and as I am left to pick up the pieces and rebuild my life, I am constructing the innermost chamber of my heart just for God - leaving no place for false gods and idols this time round. It has taken real guts to begin to face the truth. Change is difficult…. Even ‘hell’ can be a comfort zone! The temptation to go backwards and trade my personal values and talents for the illusion of safety is always present. All in all it is comforting to know for certain that the Lord who holds galaxies together can easily take care of any problem, no matter how impossible it seems to be.

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