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Meat Scare

  • This whole horse meat thing is getting out of hand....I just heard that buffalo wings contain chicken!!
  • My doctor told me to watch what I eat, so I went out and bought tickets for the Durban July.
  • With all the meat related revelations of the past week, I'm waiting in anticipation to hear the truth about Monkey Gland sauce...: O and I am wonderıng what about Black cat peanutbutter?
  • Food labels will no longer use "kilojoule content" to describe the energy value, it will now be referred to as "horse power".
  • O die donkie, o die donkie is 'n wonderlike ding. Hy rek die mince en maak meer wins oOoOoOoOo die donkie is 'n wonderlike ding…
  • Al die dames wat nog wag vir haar ridder op die wit perd… gaan aan met jou lewe, jou perd is opgevreet!

Old School

Dad is from the old school, where you keep your money under the mattress—only he kept his in the underwear drawer. One day I bought my dad an unusual personal safe—a can of spray paint with a false bottom—so he could keep his money in the workshop. Later I asked Mom if he was using it.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "he put his money in it the same day."

"No burglar would think to look on the work shelf!" I gloated.

"They won't have to," my mom replied. "He keeps the paint can in his underwear drawer."

Empty water bottles

Trying to do my share for the environment, I set up a trash basket at my church and posted above it this suggestion: "Empty water bottles here."

I should have been a little more specific, because when I went to check it later, I didn't find any bottles in it. But it was full of water.