"The most enjoyable way to follow a vegetable diet is to let the cow eat it, and then eat the cow."

Is a dermatologist's knowledge only skin deep?

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

"You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway."

"The difference between a computer expert and a novice is that the novice hesitates before doing anything stupid."

"It's not a bug - it's just an undocumented feature"

"The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends."

"Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand."

My doctor e-mailed me asking if I knew my "blod group". I replied, "typo."

Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

You know times are tough when you order a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asks, "Can you afford fries with that?"

Parents often talk about the younger generations as if they didn't have anything to do with it.

"I've spent most of my life golfing - the rest I've just wasted"

The other day I pointed to a couple across a restaurant and said to my wife, "That's us in ten years."

She replied, "That's a mirror."

"A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt."